Category Archives: قبل النوم

Fragile

One friend once told me, people might write in blogs because they have no one else to talk to. My relationship with my blog is disturbed nowadays, she wouldn’t listen to me just like everybody else, and she would also judge me and blame me. So many people came between us and I found my self considering what I tell her and sometimes I don’t tell her the truth  bacause of all these people who are ready to attack, but once I wondered what the point of this relationship is anyway, i realized I must do  something, maybe I should just end this useless affair, or take it further, you know I am a pusher!Seriously , to hell with what anyone thinks!

Dearest,

He is one of these men who can’t just come in and out of one’s life easily. He is so quiet

 , soooo damn quiet, so dead, and she is so young, yes very very young,  she can’t stop realizing how young she is around him, sometimes also naïve and shallow, but she’d rather be that, than be dead. This silence definitely hurt a lot of people before her. This silence is certainly driving his share of her mind crazy,Ahh, how she wishes to hurt him terribly that he would weep, i really wanna see you laugh loudly,you know, scream in bed and ask for pleasure, CHANGE THIS QUIET ,,,STILL ,,DRY FACE yes,, yes,, hurt him with life, her life. It is her right, definitely her right, he made her feel so alive for a very short time, and she has only to pay him back.

sometimes i ask myself why i became so weak,or turned out to be so weak, lots of people go through much harder lives and they  fight back, am i so selfish to want the world to stop when i am in pain?   

Oh forgive my indecent 21 year old mind and tell me,How come it’s become so hard to hold him again? How come he’s became one of the reasons her days are happy or sad?

There are certainly more important things to think of, to write

    about or to live for. but sometimes all i need from you is just to hold me,and i wonder if anybody out there needs my hug as much as i need yours.

Advertisements

قبل النوم مرة أخرى

لماذا في وسط كل هذا ينتابني احساس بالحزن؟ ما لي الاّن في وسط السعادة و الاسترخاء أرى وجهك و ابكي؟هل فقدت القدرة على الفرح؟هل سأظل اشعر بأن شيئاً ينقصني و أني سأظل أبحث عنه في اوجه من حولي و اتخيل كيف سأكون اذا كنت معي الاّن؟ اههه لا استطيع ايضاً ان اتجاهل ما سمعته, ان صديق الطفولة , و الذي لا يزيد حديثنا عن “صباح الخير” و “مساء الخير” منذ اخشن صوته و و احلو صدري, مريض. لماذا اجدني و انا في عالم اّخر اتذكر لعبنا سوياً و اتخيل كيف ستمر ايامي اذا اصاب الأطباء بأصابته بمرض ضمور العضلات؟هل سيموت؟هل سيصبح لدي سبباً اخر للحزن؟تعبت حقاً و أريد فقط الراحة , , فقط ليوم واحد. فهل تأتيني؟

من أين أبدأ

كان أمامي أختيارين,أن أبقى و أن أذهب

 إذا اخترت الذهاب فسوف أقفز من أعلى  و إذا اخترت البقاء فسأبقى أيضا  لأقفز من أعلى في النهاية

  كنت حقا أفضل الذهاب فمن صغري عندما أريد شيئا لا أصبر فلمذا الاّن أصبر على موتي؟ 

ربما أعلم أن الناس تحيا بحياتي و أن الحياة بلا شك ستنهار بموتي.